SemeUkedotcom?
by UchikazeRei
Summary: Eh? Naruto ikut Quiz yang ada di semeukedotcom? Apa hasilnya ya? Apakah Innocent Uke, Badass Uke, Clueless Uke, Flaming Uke, ataukah Dramatic Uke? Lho, kok hasilnya Uke semua ya? Yup, because this is SasuNaru! Warn inside! Don't Like? Don't Read!


**Disclaim :** Masashi Kishimoto dan situs semeukedotcom.

**Warn :** Sho-ai, AU, OOC, gaje, typo(s), etc.

**Pair :** S.N

**Rated :** T

**Genre :** :|

**A/N : **Terinspirasi dari situs semeukedotcom. Yang ada tanda (#) itu jawaban yang dipilih. Oh iya, bahasa inggris untuk Quiz-nya tidak saya translate, maaf.

**Gak suka? Gak usah buka, apalagi baca.**

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**SemeUkedotcom?**

* * *

Hei, Sasuke! Apa kau sudah mengikuti Quiz website yang aku bilang kemarin?" tanya Neji.

"Sudah."

"Hasilnya?"

"Tentu saja seme."

"Haha, ya aku tahu seorang Uchiha tidak akan mendapat hasil Uke, lalu kau tipe seme apa?"

"Apa sajalah."

Neji cengok sementara, "Ok, apa tipe sememu cocok dengan hasil yang dimiliki Naruto?"

"Tentu saja."

"Apa Naruto sudah mengikuti Quiz-nya juga?"

"Entahlah."

Neji menghela napas, 'Dasar Uchiha,'

* * *

**-2310-**

* * *

"Oi, Naruto!" panggil salah satu temannya yang selalu bersama seekor anjing.

"Hm?" Naruto menoleh ke belakang.

"Kau sudah tahu belum ada website yang menarik."

"Website apa?"

"Jadi belum tahu ya? Ini menyangkut hubunganmu dengan Sasuke."

"Heh? Kenapa jadi membawa-bawa si _Teme_ itu?"

"Ah, sudahlah, lebih baik nanti pulang kau langsung membuka website itu, alamatnya semeukedotcom."

"Semeukedotcom?"

"Ya, nanti di sana ada Quiz, kau ikuti Quiz itu, di sana kau bisa mengetahui kau ini seme atau uke, beserta tipenya."

"Menarik juga. Baiklah, aku akan ikut Quiz-nya. Ngomong-ngomong, apa kau sudah mengikutinya?"

"Sudah."

"Lalu hasilnya?"

"Eh? I-Itu…" Wajah Kiba merona.

"Wajahmu… Kenapa—"

"Ah, sudahlah! Itu tidak penting, baiklah kalau begitu aku pergi," Kiba langsung berlari meninggalkan Naruto. Sedangkan yang ditinggal hanya menatap bingung.

"Jangan lupa beritahu hasilmu ya!" ujar Kiba dari jauh.

* * *

**_-Skip Time-_**

* * *

"Haah~ capeknya," Naruto membanting tubuhnya ke kasur dan memejamkan mata. Dia membalikkan badannya ke arah kiri, di sana terlihat ada sebuah laptop yang terpajang di meja belajar. Naruto kembali teringat dengan apa yang dibilang Kiba tadi.

"Quiz itu…"

Naruto langsung beranjak ke meja belajar, membuka laptopnya sekaligus website tersebut. Begitu website itu muncul, Naruto mengklik kolom bertuliskan _'Take The Quiz_'. Mucullah 21 pertanyaan.

Naruto mulai menjawab pertanyaan itu satu-persatu.

**1. Do you enjoy licking things?**

a. Whatever's in front of me. *licks lips*  
b. What the hell's wrong with you?  
c. No, not really. #_  
_d. Only if I'm forced to.  
e. Do you want me to?  
f. Ask me again and I'll kick your ass.

**2. Have you ever bought hair dye for yourself?**

a. Every week, I just bought this new shade of pink today!  
b. You hate my hair, don't you?  
c. *death glare*  
d. No, but I'd like to try it. #_  
_e. Not for myself, but I would for my partner.  
f. Only when I'm putting it in someone's shampoo bottle when they're not looking.  
g. It's not really my thing.

**3. Have you ever tied someone up?**

a. Can't you hear the begging from the other room?  
b. No, but will you tie me up?  
c. *freaks out* Are you going to tie me up?  
d. Bondage... mmm... *licks lips*  
e. *hides rope-burned wrists*  
f. I'm always the one who's getting tortured. *sobs* #  
g. If my partner wants me to.  
h. Sometimes if I see my partner sleeping, the temptation is too great to pass up.

'Akh, pertanyaan nomor empat ini mengingatkanku pada saat _Teme_ sedang 'menyerang' dengan ganasnya,' batinnya.

**4. Have you ever been tied up?**

a. It's just one of the many tortures I have to endure. #_  
_b. Wanna die?  
c. *hides rope-burned wrists*  
d. It's the punishment I deserve.  
e. My partner's too nice to do those things.  
f. Bondage... mmm... *licks lips*  
g. Some have tried, none have lived. *evil smirk*  
h. I might let someone tie me up, as long as it got me what I wanted.

**5. What kind of shoes do you wear?**

a. Steel-toed black boots  
b. Canvas sneakers #_  
_c. I go barefoot  
d. Tennis shoes  
e. Dress shoes  
f. Hip designer shoes  
g. Boots with long laces so I have something to tie my uke up with

**6. Would you feel guilty for taking advantage of someone?**

a. *laughing my ass off*  
b. Not if I'm going to get punished for it. *grins slyly*  
c. I'm not going to hurt them. It's for their own good anyway.  
d. I'm always being taken advantage of. *eyes well up with tears*  
e_. _Of course. I'd do my best to make it up to them. #  
f. I hope I've never done such a thing. *blinks and looks around*  
g. Shit happens.

**7. Your weapon of choice?**

a. My body.  
b. Gun.  
c. Coy seduction. *grins*  
d. Whip, chains... do I have to choose just one?  
e. That badass sword from the video game I played last week! So cool! *swings imaginary sword and does fighting pose*  
f. My ability to see all possibilities and use them to my advantage.  
g. Rainbow Power! *pose*  
h. My charming smile. #  
i. The shards of glass that pierce my soul are all I have left.

**8. Do you have any piercings?**

a. Yes, and each one represents the pain and suffering I deserve.  
b. *lifts up shirt to show off bellybutton piercing*  
c. I only inflict pain on others.  
d. It looks like it would hurt! *squirms* #  
e. No, but *gets hot thinking about my partner's piercings*  
f. *grins and sticks out tongue*  
g. *death glare*  
h. *unclips fake ear piercing* Umm...

**9. Alcohol?**

a. A means to get what I want.  
b. My partner's so cute when s/he's drunk. *grins*  
c. Are you sure I should drink this?  
d. Yes, I'm drunk right now, thank you.  
e. Wanna make a bet?  
f. Here, drink this._  
_ , I've never tried it... #  
h. Anything to dull my emotional suffering.

**10. What kind of vehicle do you drive?**

a_. _Classic sports car #_  
_b. Motorcycle  
c. VW Beetle with peace sign airbrushing on the hood. You can't miss me! *thumbs up*  
d. Bicycle, which I use to run over innocent bystanders.  
e. I'm not allowed to drive. *looks down submissively*  
f. Red scooter  
g. Whatever I can steal. *sly look*  
h. I take the bus.

**11. How do you eat your ice cream?**

a. Off my partner. *grins thinking about it*  
b_. _Um... in a cone? #  
c. I. Don't. Eat. Ice cream.  
d. Let it melt and slowly lick it as it drips down the cone.  
e. Ooh, I like strawberry ice cream!  
f. Mingled with the salty taste of my own tears.  
g. I prefer blood.  
h. Sharing a cone with my partner.

**12. What gift would you give your partner?**

a. Myself.  
b. A piercing. *evil grin*  
c. Their well-deserved punishment.  
d. A candle-lit dinner.  
e. Candy or a plushie.  
f. My soul for them to do as they please with.  
g. Did I forget someone's birthday? *panics*  
h. Edible body paint #

Jujur saja, Naruto tidak tau apa yang pas untuk diberikan pada Sasuke, karena itu ia menjawab asal untuk pertanyaan nomor 12.

**13. What's your ideal pet?**

a. A kitten, or anything cute.  
b. My partner.  
c. Something that obeys my every command.  
d. Something that looks good in pink.  
e. What do you mean? I am the pet.  
f. Pets? I don't have time for that shit_._ #  
g. A German Shepherd, or something else big and badass  
h. Um, a turtle, or maybe a dog, or ferrets are cool too...

**14. How do you order at a restaurant?**

a. Introduce myself to the server and ask what they would recommend.  
b. Tell them what I want.  
c. My partner orders for me. #  
d. Spend twenty minutes changing my mind and generally screwing with the server's head.  
e. Screw the food, give me the alcohol.  
f. Order for me and my partner - no matter how expensive, whatever my partner wants.  
g. I'm rarely allowed out of the bedroom.  
h. Whatever the person next to me is having that looks good.

**15. The server brings you the wrong food. What do you do?**

a. Huh? It was the wrong food? I never noticed.  
b. I'm used to disappointments. I'll eat it anyway.  
c. Get drunk while waiting for them to bring my right order. #_  
_d. Call the server a freaking idiot, and then get drunk waiting for them to bring my right order, while my partner laughs their ass off.  
e. Eat my partner's food.  
f. Grin and talk my way into two free meals.  
g. Smile and politely explain while planning the server's bloody demise.  
h. I didn't notice because I was too busy gazing into my partner's eyes.

'Heh? Aku tidak peduli dengan _Teme _walau dia diapain juga sama orang,' batinnya saat membaca pertanyaan nomor 16.

**16. You catch someone checking out your partner. You:**

a. Grin because I was waiting for the chance to kill someone today.  
b. Feel lucky that I have such an attractive partner.  
c. Kick their ass.  
d. Smile, introduce yourself, and then slip out back to set their car on fire.  
e. Slip something into their drink.  
f. Throw yourself at your partner's feet sobbing, "I'll never be good enough for you, will I?"  
g. Think about what I'm going to eat for dinner. #  
h. Stroll over smirking and confront them by saying, "Back off bitches, this one belongs to me."

**17. Your dream occupation:**

a. Hired killer.  
b. Pole dancer.  
c. Stalker.  
d. Something thrilling and maybe not quite legal.  
e. It'd be fun to be in a band! *peace sign* #  
f. Fashion designer.  
g. Any job that doesn't take up too much time so that I can spend time with my partner.  
h. Slave.  
i. Private detective.  
j. Working in a candy store.

**18. What's your favorite accessory?**

a. My partner.  
b. My leash and collar.  
c. My weapon.  
d. Anything from Sexy Dynamite London brand.  
e. The many scars of my torturous existance.  
f. My cat ears and tail.  
g. This cool hat I bought last week! *runs to go get it and show it off*  
h. Rope. Or handcuffs. Or maybe my whip. Whatever suits my mood today.  
i. Jewelry that my partner gave me. #  
j. This cool boar tooth necklace that I won in a poker game.

**19. What costume would you wear to a masquerade?**

a. I'd be a cat. I already have the furry kitty ears!  
b. A sexy goth vampire. So I can lead my partner out into the dark alley and seduce them.  
c. Masquerade? Fuck that shit.  
d. Masquerade? So many victims, so little time.  
e. Can I bring more than one costume? *gets evil ideas*  
f. Just another means of public humiliation...  
g. A stripper. If the party gets a little too dull, and for bonus attention, I can always take something off. *winks*  
h. Cosplay rocks! *runs off to research which anime character I'm going to be* #  
i. Something freaky that would scare the crap out of people.  
j . A human sacrifice.  
k. A Renaissance costume, or something classy, that perhaps matches my partner's costume.

Naruto tertawa kecil saat membayangkan dirinya melakukan hal seperti jawabannya di nomor 19.

**20. What kind of music do you listen to?**

a. Anything with lots of moans and screaming that reflects my inner turmoil.  
b. Rock.  
c. Anything that annoys my partner and gets me punished.  
d. Whatever my partner's listening to.  
e. Pop! Light and happy music. #  
f. Anything that goes along with my partner's moans and screams.  
g. Something refined and romantic.  
h. Something sexy I can dance to.

'Hah? Pertanyaan macam apa ini? Cih,' batinnya untuk terakhir kali yang ditunjukkan pada pertanyaan nomor 21. Dia pun asal memilih jawaban.

**21. Do you usually find yourself on top or bottom?**

a. Huh? You mean like bunk beds? #  
b. Are you trying to be a wiseass?  
c. Bottom, unless I catch my partner sleeping. *twirls rope behind back*  
d. *blinks with wide eyes and turns red*  
e. *laughing my ass off*  
f. Whatever makes my partner comfortable.  
g. Wanna make a bet and find out? *winks*  
h. Anything's possible with a little convincing or manipulation.  
i. You're trying to mock me, aren't you? *dark glare*

* * *

Dan selesailah Naruto menjawab semua pertanyaan yang ada di Quiz tersebut. Lalu dia mengklik bacaan _'Submit to Your Fate_' yang ada di pojok kanan bawah. Setelah menunggu beberapa detik, muncullah hasilnya.

Naruto syok melihat hasil tersebut, "Cl-Clue-CLUELESS UKEEE!" teriaknya histeris. Naruto membaca hasil tersebut sampai habis, dan _most compatible_-nya adalah 'Opportunist Seme dan Romantic Seme'.

"Sial! Kenapa aku malah dapat uke? _Teme _tidak boleh tahu, kalau dia tahu pasti dia akan mengolok-olokku!"

Cklek.

"_Dobe_?"

"Eh! _Teme_!" Naruto terkejut dengan kedatangan Sasuke, 'Si-Sial belum aku _close_,' batinnya.

"_Dobe_? Kenapa kau pucat seperti itu?"

"A-Ah, tidak apa. Ada apa kau ke sini?"

"Kau lupa? Kita 'kan mau belajar bersama. Kau ini kenapa, _Dobe_? Sepertinya ada yang kau sembunyikan," Sasuke berjalan mendekati Naruto.

"Ti-Tidak ada, kalau begitu kau tunggu saja di ruang tamu."

"Tidak, aku mau melihat sesuatu itu, aku tahu kau bohong."

Naruto menahan dada Sasuke dengan lengannya, "Tidak ada apa-apa, _Teme_!"

"Jangan menghalangiku, _Dobe_," Sasuke mencengkram pergelangan Naruto sambil berusaha menyingkirkan si pirang.

"Tidak akan kubiarkan! Lepaskan tanganku, _Teme_!"

"Hn, jadi benar ya ada yang kau sembunyikan? Minggir, _Dobe_! Apa aku perlu menggunakan kekerasan?"

Naruto tidak menjawab.

"Cih!" Dengan sangat terpaksa Sasuke menarik pergelangan tangan itu dengan kasar, dan membanting pemiliknya ke belakang.

"Akh, kau!" rutuk Naruto saat dirinya jatuh terduduk di lantai, 'Matilah aku,' batinnya.

Sasuke memperhatikan layar laptop yang masih menyala itu, "_Clueless Uke_, hm?" Sasuke menatap Naruto dengan sebuah seringai.

"A-Apa?"

"Berarti kita pasangan yang cocok, _Dobe_."

"Be-Benarkah? Baguslah kalau begitu, ahaha," ujar Naruto yang sudah memegang gagang pintu dengan keringat dingin yang menemaninya. Takut diserang Sasuke, mungkin? Bagaimanapun ia harus tetap waspada!

"Kalau begitu aku keluar dulu," Dan kaburlah si pirang itu.

Sasuke menghela napas, "Memang SasuNaru pasangan tercocok di dunia,"

Eh? Kenapa percaya diri sekali ya Sasuke? Yup, tentu saja karena dia mendapat hasil 'Opportunist Seme', hahaha.

* * *

**FIN**

* * *

Seperti yang saya bilang di atas, sekali lagi maaf quiz-nya nggak ditranslate ke bahasa Indonesia. :lv Tapi ngerti kan quiz-nya? (kalau yang udah pernah ikut sih pasti ngerti), yang belum ngerti silakan ikuti quiz-nya, atau yang lebih simpel langsung aja ke google translate, hehe. /ditampol

Mm, saya ada permintaan, saya kan lagi buat satu fict lagi (belum diketik sama sekali sih. /plok) rated T. Di fict itu saya butuh beberapa nama (acc) Author FNI—khusus yang suka sho-ai, nanti kita main bareng dengan chara2 Naruto lainnya. Nah, di sini ada yang bersedia gak namanya dimasukin ke dalam fict itu? Kalau ada, minta nama panggilannya juga ya.

Satu lagi, bagi yang udh ikut Quiz di semeukedotcom, boleh tau hasil yang kalian dapat? Haha.


End file.
